The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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