I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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