DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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