You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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