So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
