i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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