you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
wow bdsm is so cute
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
