mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
