Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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