How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
