he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
