so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
