This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
