Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
