i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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