so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
