Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
