dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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