End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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