This is not my ceiling
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
