They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place