just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.