she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?