i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.