Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

i jhust puked up my retainher.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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(650): View more from California

Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

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(815): View more from Illinois

it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(270): View more from Kentucky

and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

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(517): View more from Michigan

After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?

(727): View more from Florida

Only if you say it like that.

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(630): View more from Illinois

His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.

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(315): View more from New York

Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.

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