I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
