i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks