and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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