So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
