Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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