Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
