Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
