I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize