I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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