Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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