I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
