I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
