this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
