Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
