if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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