i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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