One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Alive.
So much puke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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