he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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