You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this will be a night to untag.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst