I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
