I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
