that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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