i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
