I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
