Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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