His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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