Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
