dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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