Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
