Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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