So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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