Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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