I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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