Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im holly from the hills drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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