I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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