maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
