just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
