we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
