well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
