So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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