The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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