you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
