he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just google imaged poop.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
