I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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