i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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