did you get engaged???
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize