Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
