Apparently you make a good broom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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