i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
