i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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