either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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