quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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