Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
