Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
